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Dear Men,

hey, guys. howzit going? couple things:

  1. you don’t know a woman who hasn’t had something terrible happen to her. when i was 18, my boss at my university work-study job liked to corner me in the copier room and tell me that my mouth reminded him of monica lewinsky. i didn’t quit because i needed the money. i didn’t tell anyone because i didn’t think anyone would believe me. often, after i got off work, i would drink rum for a meal.
  2. of course you’ve never seen a sexual predator act like a sexual predator. of course. they aren’t trying to predate you. generally they only have to stop when other men tell them to. which is why they try to limit their general shitbaggery to the company of females.
  3. speaking of, has one of your friends ever seen a lady and said, “i would rape the shit out of her”? you know, as a joke, and even though it’s a super gross, inappropriate joke, you just didn’t say anything cuz you didn’t want to make it weird? yeah, at least one of you has, considering i watched this entire interaction happen, in the middle of the afternoon, in an H&M, like three days ago. by not objecting, you give this behavior your approval.
  4. if you need to be related to an actual, human woman before you understand that women are actually humans, you’re part of the problem. a man with four brothers who was raised by two dads, each of whom was also raised by two dads, with only male cousins, should be perfectly aware that other people should never be touched without their consent. being mad at the patriarchy because “i have daughters” is pretty damn, oh, what’s the word i’m looking for, patriarchal. we have value separate from our relationships to you.
  5. if you think this whole problem could be solved if men and women just weren’t ever alone together, aka the mike pence rule, then you’re saying the only thing stopping you from serial rape is lack of opportunity. “i, personally, never intended to grope anyone, but then i had to take a one-on-one business meeting. with susan. and her breasts.” double bonus for y’all: this is also a great way to exclude women from positions of power or leadership. “we could promote susan, but then she’d be the only woman on the board. and, you know, we’d have no choice but to rape her.”
  6. the only person’s whose behavior can prevent rape is the rapist’s.
  7. yes, i know, #notallmen. several of the best feminists i know are men. and if i’m not talking about you, there’s no reason for you to get offended. right? if i said “i hate people who kick kittens,” would you need me to take five to ten minutes that could be spent watching a fenty beauty tutorial to assure you that i know you don’t kick kittens, i didn’t mean you, before you’d agree with me? same thing here.




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  1. Jason Rogers Jason Rogers

    Most of the comments I would make about a post like this in the past (i.e. ‘not all men,’ ‘exaggerations) would be comments made on things I wrote that would have made me uncomfortable/frustrated and say to myself, “‘They’ are just throwing out cliches.” Once I saw this happening, I realized the severe irony of my thought process.

    It is true. I have never met a woman who hasn’t had had something sexually wrong done to her.

  2. Carolyn McCammon Carolyn McCammon

    I do not know one woman who has not had inappropriate conduct from some sum bag sometime during her life. And no, she didn’t ask for it, she didn’t want it and she didn’t like it. When I happened to me, I didn’t have the option of reporting it because I couldn’t lose my job. The thing is that these scumbags know this. That’s how they pick out their targets.

  3. Faith Faith

    Some male friends don’t believe they know any women who have been through some kind of sexual harassment or assault. I laughed. How about all of them, buddy? Multiple times? Constantly? 🙁

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